Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
