I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
