When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
