the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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