My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
