Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
