Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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