So drunk its hurt
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
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I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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