My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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