i think my tv is drunk
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
