The maid of honor just puked.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
