who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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