put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
