When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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