I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
