my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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