do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
