I'm drive I can fine osifer
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
