went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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