How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
how does that bad decision feel?
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