apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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