I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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