we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
