its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
