I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
