I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
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I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
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I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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