So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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