giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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