I hope mine doesn't look like that
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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