I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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