Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
