I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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