Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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