Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
