i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
