am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
