My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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