Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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