today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
