I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
