just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
