Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
