one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
