Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
