The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
