are you so shy because you have an std?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
