dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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