but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
