does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
