So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
