i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We left the knife in your bed.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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