Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
