ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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