So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
