No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
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I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
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It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
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