Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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