i would punch a child for taco bell
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
