Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
