I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
