so explain again why im purple
no
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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