Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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