you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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