There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
