She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
