Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
