there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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