If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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